"Do you hear the Jews? Do you hear the cereals? They're on their way!"

Alex Jones is a conspiracy theorist who lives in Shyguyland and hosts a radio show where he advertises water filters, pingas-vitality pills, and goblin-vomit flavored soft drinks. He was born in 1974 as the result of an affair between Bill Dauterive's father and Dale Gribble's mother (or vice versa). He dislikes dinner because he thinks that it's a tool that the government uses to brainwash people.

"Aren't you a mite puny to go up against Ganon?"
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