The Triforce of Wisdom promises something...
|Appearances||Zelda: Wand of Gamelon, YouTube Poop.|
|Friends||Weegee, Zelda, Link|
|Enemies||King Harkinian, Ganon, I.M. Meen, Gwonam|
|Relatives||Bob Jones, father. Winta Bothersome, mother. Clythia Harkinian, aunt. Gwonam al-Fari, Jr., ex-husband. Tylda Harkinian, daughter. Weegpa, son. John Harkinian, son-in-law. Zelda Harkinian, granddaughter.|
|Favorite Things||Triforces, cereal.|
|Embodied Personalities||Bizarro Impa.|
Impa Jones was born in Mapayda, Koridon to Winta Bothersome and Bob Jones in 1921. In 1950, she had a daughter, Tylda, who would become the King's wife, and in 1954, she participated in the creation of the Triforce of AIDS. She learned this stuff called magic in 1969, and has used some triangular iPad called the Triforce of Wisdom for information about the future, Weegee, and how to bomb Hyrule in one shot.
In 1985, Impa married Gwonam, her son-in-law's scribe and a fellow sorcerer. Later that year, she misused the Triforce of AIDS, giving a bunch of Hylians AIDS, before giving the item to Bowser for safekeeping. Starting around that time, she also helped Tylda raise Zelda. She finally divorced Gwonam and kicked him out of her house in 2005.
Impa began appearing in YouTube Poops around that time, and in 2009, she participated in battles against Ronald McDonald and the Burger King. In the latter case, she was part of a team that chased BK and his minions via ship to a tropical island, discovering the lost treasure of Captain Pie-Ass in the process. Not wanting to share, the King subsequently threw her overboard, along with everyone but himself, Link, Zelda, and Gwonam. A stranded Impa was kidnapped by Ganon, who tried to make her one of his minions.
Impa pretended to join Ganon, expecting to be rescued in a timely fashion; however, the King didn’t care that she was missing, and Link failed at finding her after Zelda sent him to her aid. About four months after her kidnapping, a frustrated Impa decided to join Ganon for real. She proceeded to attack Hyrule Castle, where she turned Zelda against the King by using the Triforce of Wisdom to reveal the King’s gay affairs. After that, Impa ruled Hyrule alongside Zelda and Ganon until Zelda betrayed them and decided to return her father to power. Impa was struck down by Dr. Rabbit’s rocket-ship in the ensuing battle, and subsequently returned to her prior role in the King’s court.
Impa has been an outspoken racist for most of her life, and she helped Hitler and his minions escape from Berlin in the final days of World War II. To this day, she will yell the N-word whenever she sees a black person inside Hyrule Castle, much to the King's annoyance and Zelda's dismay. Some have speculated that her bigotry is the main reason for Weegee's attraction to her, while others dismiss this theory and believe Weegee just has an old-age fetish.
Relations with Other Characters
Impa thinks King Harkinian is a terrible father and hates him for neglecting Zelda. She serves the King so she can help Zelda, but doesn't always obey him. It's also possible that she lies about the Triforce of Wisdom's predictions to trick the King into doing dangerous things (not that he needs much encouragement in that area). In spite of her dislike for the King, she is attracted to his form Shaved King.
Impa was married to Gwonam for about twenty years, but now she hates him and doesn't hesitate to insult him to his face. She doesn't hate him as much as she hates the King, though, and she took his side when he tried to extort the King.
As mentioned above, Impa and Weegee seem fond of each other, and they have at least two children. However, they are not married and have no plans to change that.
Main article: Impa/Gallery
- "The Triforce of Wisdom promises that the King will safely return."
- "Don't worry, Zelda."
- "All right, dear."
- "Oh mai!"
- "It looks like everyone's been taken to Tykogi Tower!"
- "Ogy, ogy, ogy, church, church, church, church!"
- "I'm sure he's all right."
- "Hectan is dangerous!"
- "My eye!"
- "All right, dear."
- "The King is a terrible father."
- "You smell like s--t!"
- "Your father is a terrible buttfaggot."
- "Worry, Zelda."