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Fatkingpresident

King Harkinian and Fat Mario in the White House.

For a two-month period in early 1997, John Harkinian served as the first non-human and non-citizen president of the United States of America.

Background

Public opinion of King Harkinian outside of Hyrule was at its highest point so far by the end of 1995, a year during which he worked with other Eluryhian leaders to negotiate a peace treaty between Hyrule and Gannonan, ending the Rupee War, and establish the Trinited Nations peacekeeping organization. Noticing his popularity, the King decided to participate in the 1996 United States presidential election for the hell of it.

Campaign

After selecting Fat Mario as his running mate to compete against the incumbents, Bill Clinton and Al Gore, Harkinian embarrassed most of his prominent opponents by recruiting Wario to sneak under their podiums and grab their dongs. However, this had no effect on Clinton, who already had women do the same thing to him on a regular basis. Harkinian still managed to win the election. Upon his victory, the losing candidates filed lawsuits, pointing out that since he was born in Hyrule and still lived there, he was ineligible to serve as president. However, the courts ruled that nobody cared.

Presidency

After taking office in January 1997, Harkinian immediately had the nation's capital moved from Washington, D.C. to Yuma, Arizona, just because it more closely resembled Hyrule City. Then, without notifying Congress, he suspended federal funding to any schools that provided lunch, diverted most of the military budget to the navy, and demanded the introduction of a four-dollar bill. Also, Wario, who Harkinian had appointed as secretary of the treasury, was repeatedly caught stealing huge amounts of government money. When Congress tried to intervene, Harkinian sent his secretary of defense, Link, to attack them. In March, the final straw came when the King suddenly announced that he intended to move the capital again, this time to Flagstaff. Harkinian was quickly impeached, and since nobody wanted Fat Mario to become president either, a special election, which Bill Clinton won, was held.

Legacy

The Harkinian administration was so widely hated that most Americans agreed never to speak of it again, and Harkinian and his actions would be removed from all official government records. Even most history books and school textbooks completely ignore the period. As for Harkinian himself, he returned to Hyrule and attempted suicide shortly after being forced out of office. After that failed, he tried to get revenge on Bill Clinton by finding and releasing evidence of his sexual affairs, which ultimately resulted in the Lewinsky scandal.

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